Hailey it Happen/ dyed hair red

So since Youtube didn't have this song on the site i decided to make a simple vid. I'm so in love with this group. I want this song to be the theme song of my semester.

Hailey, it Happens- Stay

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Yesterday I picked up the courage and dyed my bangs this red color using L'oreal Color Rays. I like the results. Not to dark not to light.

From Me to You...

And from the depressed to the Depressor I'm writing this to tell of this misery.
How It has joined me in company and follows me wherever I go.

And from the depressed to the Clueless. I tell you that you are fine while I am suffering. You smile at any time on any day. When unfortunately my wish is to crush that smile.

And from the depressed to the Friend. I see you are oblivious to what bothers me. For you aren't there in to first place to see.

And from the depressed to the Indecisive I ask you to be real with me. For I have never in my life asked you for anything. And I'm asking how do you feel about me?

And from the depressed to the Self-Adsorbed I'm saying I wish I was never adsorb in you. Look at what I've brought upon myself.

And from the depressed to the One in my thoughts I ask you only....Is there nothing for us in the future...I'd like to get a head start on shifting you from my memories if not.

Burlesque

So....I have a fascination with it. I love anything vintage, retro, past that 50's. I've been watching vids of burlesque dancers coming across a dancer by the name of Perle Noire the Black Pearl. She is an african american dancer and I think she's wonderful. Her performances are lively and they draw you in. She explodes from the stage and sexiness illuminates off of her. I watched many vids of other dancers and everyone has their own style. In contrast to the type of stripping you see in strip clubs, burlesque is more than that. While "stripping" seems slutty Burlesque is sexy, classy, about glamour. It promotes a sense of women empowerment and acceptance of femininity. Yes a women is on stage basically half-naked shaking her ass but there's the idea that "hey we women no matter what size are beautiful and I want to flaunt that and shout that to other women". Surprisingly, burlesque appears more to a female audience more than male. I would love to try burlesque some day. That's one of my fantasies. I just need to work on that confidence to perform in front of other people LOL.

A much better Day

So today went a lot better for me than the past days. I wasn't very down and I accomplished little things. I just felt so much better. I hope I can keep this up....

I order a lace corset off of ebay for $15.50 free SHIPPING. I'm so excited^_^
I was looking for the best deals and this will be my first corset. I just need to confirm and send my shipping info. I just need to make sure I'm positive on the size I get. I wanted something simple. Not to much lace. Not to lingere looking. I want to be able to wear in on a regular day with jeans or a skirt.

Stay focused

I've come to the conslucsion of why music helps me so much. It prevents me from thinking. When those headphones are in my ear they drown out the world around me. I listen to that metalcore. Listening as the lead singer scream their voice out. I substitute their screams for the screams that I can not scream. If only I could make the music louder. Concentrating on the music allows me to not concentrate on the issues around me...it's my medicine. I'm looking inside myself. In the end you can only rely on yourself. You can't even rely on the feeling of others. Sometimes I envy others. But I brush it off like I don't give a damn....but I do....because thoughts, memories emerge.....interesting huh.

I just need to stay focused. I've started to keep an organizer. To write down everything I need to do in my day or week. It's so easy to let emotions get in the way....and make you lose focus...



I've discovered the band iwrestledabearonce....and I love them<3

Depressed/Bone Thug/ Zombie Speed Paint

So...recently I've been depressed. That's the only conclusion I have come to. I've become apathetic and apathy is what?? A form of depression. I've come to the conclusion that I've settled for contentness(if that's a word lol). I've been able to find other things to occupy my mind but I get mood swings over certain...circumstances. I'm moving on....and getting better....its just complicated. I have the power to change my thoughts....in order to live a un-stressful happy life. I'm working on that. I don't want to continue with the rest of my college semester feeling like this....it's times like this when I just need a shoulder to cry on....

But moving on I did some cool new speed paint vids Yayyyy!!!!*does happy dance*

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New Zombie Manip./ Self realization 1

So Last night I decided to do a little photo-manip. I did this zombie one in about 2 hours i suppose. I'm a procrastinator so time isn't really a factor when it comes to stuff like this LOL. This is my first successful zombie manip. I've attempted others but they just didn't come out right.

It can be found at my Deviant Art page which includes all the stock image info.
Deviant Art

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Recently....I've figured that I have emotional baggage......I never though of mysel like that. I mean everyone has their problems but I never hit me that even as hard as I try to change...it all could still follow me in any other relationship I get into. Or anything in general. I need to be more open which I'm trying to do...but maybe not trying hard enough. I need to just sit face to face with someone and spill everything. I know I'll feel so much better....I'll feel happier. I look at certain people around me and they seem happy. Now I kno they probably have their shit load of issues but still. I can be negative...I need that positive light....I don't what to rely on anyone else to provide that for me. I'm always on this whole "independent women" complex. I know I can get by without others or being in a romantic relationship.....but somethings.....I wish for that....but then I'm like nope all that shit is just extra distractions and useless emotions. I know when I find that guy that I really like and want to be with...i'm probably going to fall for them.....really freakin hard....I wont't fall....i'll probably plunge LOL

What a Kiss Means

+Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"
+Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"
+Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"
+Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
+Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
+Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
+Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
+Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means...
+Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
+Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
+Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"
+Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"
+Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
+Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
+Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
+picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them"

--Advice--
+ Don't ask for a kiss, take one
+If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.


--Requirements--
+Post this again after reading!!
Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.


If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now
and can't get them out of your head
then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you.
Repost this as "what a kiss means..."

Just Thinking

To think of you I let my mind get wrapped.
In the tendencies of reminiscing about us.
Is it my like or my lust.....for wanting something more.
For you I'll shut the door to all the haters and naysayers and criticizers who don't understand.
If only for you to be my man. As long as you take my heart in your hand.
And promise not to break it or to shake it till is quivers. Honesty will be delivered.
That's all I ask and nothing more.

You may be different and dance to the beat of a different drum....while I'm dancing to the beat of your heart. I never anticipated these feelings from the start. Is this mutural I don't know. Only fate and time will show.

I Am Not A Human Being

So i did this in like an hour. I really like that Song by Weezy "I Am Not A Human Being"

Back in School

School has started off.....interesting. Very interesting. The one thing that I was looking forward to has gone to hell.....or is just postponed for a later departure lol. But I will not be stressed out from this. It hasn't even been a week of class yet. I just need to get my mind off of things.

So I'll show a pic of my current desktop....might as well be random.


Zombies fuckin rule!!!!!!!!! .....as well as marvel

Don't Go/School

So Class starts on Wednseday. Snow is expected to come in on Monday. So I'm trying to figure out when I'm actually going to leave. I'm looking forward to the new semester. I'm optimitic and everything and excited but i just want everything to go good. I hate being out of school for such a long time because then when it's time to go back I don't wanna leave. *sigh* oh well oh well.....

But I finished another drawing in Adobe Illustrator.


I don't know what it is....well nevermind I know what it is. But I tend to draw more couple related type things. Couples.....relationships....argh LOL

Bone Thug/ Away We Go

So I did this last night. I was bored and I recorded a speed paint vid of it but the quality is shit so I won't post it:(
But I think it came out nice.

Recently I've been listening to a few female fronted rock bands such as Away We Go and Picture Me Broken. I hate the fact that on youtube comments people always comparing the chicks voice to Haley from Paramore. I like paramore and everything but if feel just because they are famous and their music is in global circulation one will easiley compare another chicks voice with Haley's. I try not to do that. Each band is unique in some way. ^_^

If???

So I started this a few days ago. Another speed paint. I've just been feeling a mix of emotions for the past weeks and this was something that I started drawing. What if?? What if everything could be perfect....could go back to the way it use to....What if emotions weren't so complicated? What if that love was only return?? If only we knew...


Created in Adobe Photoshop
Song: A Martyr for My Love by The White Strips

Vent: 1

So fucking pissed off about shit. Question of relationships and friendships. I let an individual get under my skin. Emotionally effect me. Not saying I deserve to be told off on the fact of how I've behaved. But it is over. Let go. Move on. Maybe don't even look back. Do I need to get you to hate me? Is that the answer. I will not be manipultaed like this again. I denied what my family said and didn't believe that was happening. But now I see. I wanted it to work but I guess I wasn't that willing. I feel you were still expecting something from me....darling don't expect so much....
I just wanna get away from all this....I just wanna leave....

1/1/11

Currently I've been watching Anime. Most recent one I've been watching is Claymore. I had heard about it before and wanted to either read the manga or watch the show. Thank goodness for Netflix. It's a pretty enthralling story. It's more on the line of a dark fantasy. Yomas kill eat people, Claymores(a race of golden blond chicks with big ass swords) kill yomas....even though hey themselves are half human half yoma. They are defintely some hardcore chicks to be taking hard hits and having limbs cut off. I'm half way through. Imma have to find another anime to watch soon. It's nice to spend the first day of the new year sitting back not doing a damn thing important LOL.

Happy New Year Woot WOOT!!!!

It is 2011.....yayyyy!!! Let's see what the year has in store yep.
Today I will continue watching anime on netflix and browsing youtube vids for some cool dubstep beats. Check out the one I posted. I'm really starting to get in to Dubstep music. I go through phases and I love listening to new things. Dubstep is grimey and dirty. Kinda like Transformers fuckin' LOL. It's like Tron on Ecstasy....no wait on heroine. But Like on a bad heroine trip! LOL I'm still searching for new artist and I so wanna make my own beats. But I doubt that shit happens. Making music like that seems confuzzling.


I like Paramore but I this mix was hot.