Dear people who were c-section babies,
Technically, you weren't born, you were removed... like a tumor.
Sincerely, reality.
Dear Classmates,
Not everyone who supports gay marriage is gay. Can't a girl support human rights without being called a lesbian?
Sincerely, Open-minded
Dear Ladies,
We aren't that hard to find. We're in the friend zone, right where you left us.
Sincerely, Nice Guys
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
I'll Pretend
I'll pretend that I'm here and you are here with me.
I'll pretend that the planets have fallen out of orbit and aligned once again....
for this is monumental beyond our control.
I'll pretend that we're birds flying toward the power lines.
Hoping the current in them is strong enough to shock our hearts.
And if the charge is to much and I cease to fly...
just know that I did it for you....anything for you....
And while cruising down that road, you in passenger seat.
If by fate I wrap this car around a tree just know I enjoyed the ride thus far.
In the mean time I'll pretend.That I'm seen and a human being....
who longs for affection though that isn't my expectance.
Cold as Sybiria my insides freeze up.
Lung, Heart and Gut.
So I'll pretend I'm a robot and feel nothing...
I've cut my own circuits....
I'll pretend I'm speaking words of wisdom and my philosophy of love is wrong...
.....or just an illusion...
I'll pretend that the planets have fallen out of orbit and aligned once again....
for this is monumental beyond our control.
I'll pretend that we're birds flying toward the power lines.
Hoping the current in them is strong enough to shock our hearts.
And if the charge is to much and I cease to fly...
just know that I did it for you....anything for you....
And while cruising down that road, you in passenger seat.
If by fate I wrap this car around a tree just know I enjoyed the ride thus far.
In the mean time I'll pretend.That I'm seen and a human being....
who longs for affection though that isn't my expectance.
Cold as Sybiria my insides freeze up.
Lung, Heart and Gut.
So I'll pretend I'm a robot and feel nothing...
I've cut my own circuits....
I'll pretend I'm speaking words of wisdom and my philosophy of love is wrong...
.....or just an illusion...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Dear Blank, please blank
Dear World,
Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.
Sincerely, tired of hearing your religious stuff
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Bella,
They have sex on True Blood all the time.
Sincerely, Edward's just not that into you
Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.
Sincerely, tired of hearing your religious stuff
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Bella,
They have sex on True Blood all the time.
Sincerely, Edward's just not that into you
Saturday, March 19, 2011
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